Jokes

[sgort87]

Since it was "nothing" leaving it blank was even funnier.

[alex bennett]

i tired, i couldnt ...

So these two guys walk into a bar, I forgot the punch line, but your mom's a @#^$%.

[rna_duelers]

ohhhk,my dad told me this and yes he does have mental problems.

Well there is this guy who walks into a bar and sits down has a beer and see's a big jar behind the bar and ita packed full of 50 and 100 dollar notes,so naturaly he asks what the jar is for and the tender says well its the dare jar.He says ohhh!Well what are the dares,well first off you have to skoll a bottle of Wildturkey bourbon in under 3 minutes.Second you have to go out the back and pull the guard dogs tooht out,he's got a bad one and he's old but its a pitbull so you gota look out,he says ohh yeh easy! and last one,there is an old whore up stairs and she hasnt had a good customer in about 5 years and wel you...Have to do some services for her.Well he thinks about it and about the old prostotute and he see's a guy walk in with a few $100 notes n cram em into the jar.Sohe goes!IM GUNNA DO IT!
SO he grabs the bottle of spirits and downs it in 4 mouth fulls and hesays well where is this dog before the alcohol sets in and they show him the door.He goes out and they here screamming and the dogs yelping and he gets thrown through the door a few times and smshes a window or two and this goes on for about 20 minutes and finnaly he comes out!And says proudly last dare,so were is the old lady with the bad tooth??

2nd joke.
Three vampires walk into a bar and they sit down and the bar tender says well what will you be having?The first one says well i feel like a blood on the rocks,The second one says i'll have a dry blood martini and the third one says i'll have a glass of water..The tender scratches his head and said a glass of water?The vampire says yeh,i have a tampon i am going to have tea...well thats my best ones.

[jrrdw]

So these two guys walk into a bar-ouch you think 1 of them would have seen it.

RYMM: Hickory dickory dock, 2 mice ran up the clock, the clock struck 1, and the other got away with minor injuries.

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA, yea i know, kinda laim!

TAMPON TEA-EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, THATS JUST NOT RITE!!!

[saladtossser]

rna_duelers
your dad has a sick mind... that was friggin hilarious

3 vampires goes into a bar, the bar tender asks what would they like
vampire one wants blood
vampire two wants blood
vampire three wants blood plasma
so the bar tender says, ok 2 bloods and 1 blood light
hehe

how do you get black font? i put the code in, it didnt work, and for those who didnt get the last one, its NOTHING! , lol here kitty kitty kitty.

i'm very sorry i can not find the same program anymore

but see pic below, email me for the program

[jrrdw]

Here's how to get the black font: type your reply/post/question what ever your typeing, then you high light what you want black, then go to font colour drop down menu and put curser over color you want and when it high lights left click it. What ever color you high lighted will be that color.

High light this: A O FREAKING K!!!!!!

I just noticed you can see the black font, what gives????

[saladtossser]

because it is black, the background is not black
the two colors are
#272727 (darker)
and
#303030 (lighter)

[djt]

haha alex that pineapple one is great. i actually laughed at it sitting here instead of just finding it amusing.

[alex bennett]

you know your a red neck when you mis spell words in x-mas lights....LOL

things i wanna do someday..... :
-Wear a full set of armor to an airport and try to go through the metal dectetor
-call the 1-800 # on the back of a Q-Tip's box and complain that I have a cotton swab stuck in my ear, and everytime they say something I will reply "huh, huh, i can hear you!"
-fill a inflate-a-date with helium and chase it down the street hollaring "com e back here you tramp!"
-go to the zoo, go to the polar bear exhibit, and scream "come on larry, thats enough, get out of that costume and get back to the office!"

Some random questions...:
- why do we call them stands when there made for sitting?
- why are they call buildings, there already built..
- why do we call after dark when its really after light?
- why dont they make mouse flavored cat food?
- is it good that a vacume really sucks?
- if its illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have a parking lots??
- If teflon sticks to nothing, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
( they melt it, boiling lead bath will prob know the degree that it melts lol)

dumb jokes...
- how much did the pirate pay for his ear rings? A buckanerre
- what has 4 legs and 1 arm? A rotweiller

[sgort87]

You know, anyone can find the melting point of teflon. One of the best tools you can ever have is just knowing how to use Google.

By the way, the melting point of teflon is 342 degrees Celsius +/-10C (about 650 degrees Farenheit).

[saladtossser]

alex, replace pineapple with durian and you have yourself a winner

[Rambo]

Two mutras(bulgarian type of a ganster) went for a walk in a forest.One of them went in the bushes for...the little job.Sudenly a snake byte his d*ck.The second one calls the boss and ask what sould they do.The boss sad-you must suck the venom.The first guy askes what did the boss sad?And the second say that it is time to die.

[Benny]

damn you salad, i was drinking a coke when i was reading your comment and spat it every where.

[GhostMonkey]

lol ... these jokes are so freeaking hilarious !!!!! ... BUT I GOT ONE TOO!

Two of the greatest statues in the world have been posing in a park for centuries. One is a guy and the other is a girl. Then one day an angel comes down from heaven and makes the statues come to life. The angel says to the two statues "you two can do anything you want for the next hour", so the two statues look at each other and run into the bushes in the park. The angel hears russling and giggling then thirty minutes later the two statues come out. The angel looks at the two and says "You twohave half an hour more ... want to do anything else?". The statues look at each other and go back into the bushes... the angel being the pervert he is follows them into the bushes and spies on them. He sees the girls statue holding down a pigeon and the guy statue squatting over it. the girl statue says "OK ... This time i'll hold down the pigeon and you POOP on it's head!"

yay funny! what did you think the statues were doing?!?!

[CS]

Is it just me or are most jokes resorting to sexual humor? (infering included)